Why I need time and (space)

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I need some time, I need some space, I need some room – I need a break. It’s hard to admit to something that you need so desperately, it’s rough trying to explain to someone why you do the things you do – because do you really need to explain yourself to anyone? Maybe that’s my issue – maybe that’s our issue. Maybe the things we are so blind to see, are the things we need the most help and (time) with. We are so blind to realize the way we tick, we are so impatient to understand our selves – more importantly, we are so driven by ulterior motives that we forget what we are truly living for. We become so wrapped up in defining our worth through everything but our own beliefs. We ALL get engulfed with what seems right in our head when it reality – it’s all wrong, or is it? Life is a trick, our mind is the boss, and our heart tends to lead the way most of the time. I need time to refocus, time to reset, time to understand what I want and not what I believe will satisfy, and I need space to do all of that without you. Give me (space), we all need time – but I need that time now. We all come back – let me understand myself, you all need it too.

With love,

Ness

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Every now and then.

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Every now and then I get a little bit nervous – nervous that I might’ve made the wrong decision some ways down the road. Do you ever wonder how the decisions you have made have impacted other people? Every now and then I realize I might’ve hurt someone, every now and then I realize I probably didn’t make the best decision, every now and then I realize that some people aren’t who they truly say they are, every now and then I come to the realization that things are not really as they seem – nor do they turn out how you planned, and every now and then I have to be okay with it. I have to be okay with loosing people who don’t want to keep me around, I have to be okay with accepting my mistakes – but forever facing the consequences. We have to be okay with accepting, moving on, and being okay. We live in a society full of hurts – we live in a world full of hate – we live with people around who might never forgive. We must understand that life happens – life gets the best and the worst of us, but that’s what this journey is all about. Every now and then I realize that life is different, circumstances have changed, people will continue to act how they feel – and I have to be okay with it. Let life take it’s toll on you, accept what has happened, grow from your decisions, and realize that we’re all flawed – it’s okay. Just forgive.

With love,

Ness

I think we know.

IMG_2044.JPGI think we know a lot of the time. We know what makes us filled, we know what makes us broken, we know what triggers us, we know, and yet we still do. We do the things that make us broken often and we won’t do the things that we know will fill us. The question I ponder is, why do we settle for that. We do what we are comfortable doing, we do what we know, and we do because we know the outcome will be just okay. In a world that is okay with just being mediocre, I don’t understand how we all conform to accepting that. (I am guilty of this as well, as I am only human). If I could I would – but the thing is, you could, and you should, but most of the time you won’t. In realizing why we do the things we do, why not just dive head first into the things that make our heart full? My challenge to whomever may be reading this… do what you fear, do what you aspire to be, explore what you may not know. Find your place in a world where there is far too much to just go by day in and day out doing the things that make us unhappy. Live a lot, speak your heart, walk boldly, venture with a heart of curiosity, and don’t look back.

With love,

Ness

(self)worth(.)

IMG_2046Two words we all don’t know enough about. Weird how we try to shy it away, (self) worth. The one thing that should be so important to us, the one thing that we should be so sure about, is the one thing we struggle with the most. I’m guilty of it too, every single day. We question whether we are enough or if we will ever be enough. What a concept, a misconstrued idea that this world has led some of us to believe. Our self worth should not be measured by how good we look, whether we have a significant other or not, how much money we make, how much education we’ve had, etc. (Self) worth should be found within yourself, it should be found within your own values and beliefs. You see, it’s a never ending cycle for some of us, and we are stuck in this rotation of misunderstanding. What breaks my heart the most is that we believe that other people and society hold all of the self worth we will ever need. This bubble of question and doubt, it’s unfortunately there – and it’s real. Take a step back, figure it out, and realize you can’t gauge your self worth off of other people, things, or substances.

Stop believing the lies, start believing in yourself(.) That’s all it really takes.

With love,

Ness

 

 

We Accept Fear.

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We all fear something, or everything. We fear the unknown and the possibility of something not working out in our favor. We fear everything before us and those things to come. We fear telling the truth, we fear rejection, we fear going after what we really want. We fear (I fear) all of this and we fear the face of what may never be. When we live in fear, we live behind a wall despite what might be on the other side. We live with hesitation and a lot of, “is this the right thing?” We live without knowledge of what may become when we step forward with our actions. Imagine a world where fear was not a crutch. Imagine a world where we set forth to say the things we wanted, set out to do the plans we so desired, a world where hesitation didn’t lay in the back of your thoughts. If we alter our view of life…if we alter our view of fear, we then begin to understand that fear manipulates us , or do we manipulate ourselves? We bask in the shadows of fear when we have so much to go for; relationships, goals, dreams, conversations, plans – When fear stops you from everything, what is there to live for? When fear isn’t our enemy, we delight in what is truly made for us. Speak your thoughts, love your words, go forward with action, in whatever it may be. Fear(less).

With love,

Ness

Becoming Consistent With Inconsistency

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The struggles of our everyday lives include more than just getting an average score a test, more than forgetting your coffee at home, and more than forgetting to study for a test. If there is one thing I have learned during these past few years is that the one thing I see people constantly (and myself) consistent with is the desire to be inconsistent. We are inconsistent with our goals, inconsistent with our morals and values, inconsistent with our thoughts, inconsistent with our lives. Everyone goes around saying that it’s okay to be inconsistent because you are growing, learning, becoming the person you want to be. But, if inconsistency is the person I am becoming, then that is not okay. I have become consistent with inconsistency. My priorities are inconsistent and vary, my goals change every week, or whenever I see a donut that almost tastes better than those hours I spent at the gym. We all become inconsistent when we loose sight of what is truly important to us, and when we begin to feed into the lie that your life can be a mess, so it’s okay for you to be a mess too. I am not saying that your life has to be put together all the time, without flaws. I am nearly saying that it’s just not okay to be inconsistent….with your relationships, with your goals, with your life, with yourself. It is merely unfair for you to be inconsistent with yourself, how do we expect to get anywhere in this life if we become consistent with inconsistency? Take the time to figure it out, stop settling for inconsistency, and ask yourself why it’s become okay to be inconsistent. I know I’m still figuring it out.

With love,

Ness

Why I stopped #100HappyDays

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If there was a filter on social media it would be something along the lines of “perfection” or maybe even “flawless.” Social media is our place to display to the world that we have it all together. Social media is our outlet to display to the world (display is the key word) that our lives are impeccable and without shame, doubt, or sadness. I found the challenge #100HappyDays and thought it would be a great way to show my blessings with those of you on social media and to encourage positivity. As much I do appreciate everything and everyone in my life I found that I do not feel the need to necessarily post it everyday on social media. During the past 30 days or so I have also had some tough days, some hard days, and some upsetting days. It is literally impossible to assume that a person can be happy about everything, everyday, in every situation. I do not mean to be negative, as I do believe that there is good in every situation. As a matter of fact, there are such incredible blessings in every day and every situation. However, I felt as though doing #100HappyDays was encouraging the use of this “perfection” filter on social media. My life, is by no means perfect or pulled together… I do not wish to portray that through my social media by simply posting all the “highs” in my life. I believe that life is filled with “happys and crappys” and that is just okay. If it weren’t for the “lows” in our life, we would never appreciate the “highs”. So for that reason exactly, I chose to stop my #100HappyDays and just to simply appreciate the blessings in my life as they come. Although I am not posting #100HappyDays I am grateful that it has opened my eyes to appreciate things more. I will keep posting about my life and appreciating the ones in my life, but I don’t need an excuse to post about them.

Live through the tough days, appreciate the happy days, and love them both the same.

With love,

Ness